Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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