So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
