Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
