My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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