Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
