I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
