Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
