i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
