Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
