what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
