I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
