I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
