I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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