I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
