u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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