Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
