ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
