dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
