she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
