Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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