there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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