my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
