She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So squirting runs in the family.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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