are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
