can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
