YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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