i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
