i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
