After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
