He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
