my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
