His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
