these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
