My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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