mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
