I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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