I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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