he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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