I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
