I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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