if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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