i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
