thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
