I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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