I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
