Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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