I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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