and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
