Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
