You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
