This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
