Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
