if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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