I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
