The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize