He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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