All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
