"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize