not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
