Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
