we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
