So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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