At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
