I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
