Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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