am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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