i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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