I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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