Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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