My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you win again, gameday.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
