Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
