just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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